Just read your post about mocking crying noises imitating crying wife from her/your deep hurt..my ex did the very same thing to me! I am in the same boat as you Sue and I cant tell anybody. I really appreciate everybody on this post who is reaching out to tell their stories. As a result, they may endlessly badger others with demands, questions, and opinions. That is the good fight. Self-compassion is an antidote to self-blame and criticism. I always find time for the kids and my wife even after all this daily process, yet not only I never find appreciation, but I am always to blame for everything, yelled at, cursed, disrespected and demeaned. Lets get into what you need to know. You did it first or you said such beforevents or first because you basically made me do it because of what you its a never ending cycle that is a mental dysfunction if you ask me. When confronted, they then blame something else to defend their action. I would so love to. (I have blocked his calls, texts, and e-mails. Sally, what you have written makes the most sense to me. That should have been my cue to leave. Some of the boundaries are verbal and tangible. I just cannot live up to anything of what he wants me to be and blames me for everything that goes wrong. Instead, they have to sit with their own discomfort. 12 Signs You Might Have Narcissistic Victim Syndrome Right to when he said he was going to end up in the hospital because of me and said I said we were over, stop trying to apologize and you are giving me so much stress are you not going to be happy until you give me a heart attack? Its time to get back to work. Get good therapy and support. I took off then but was too upset to stay concentrated through a sand storm and a mountain range. Thanks, We were in couples therapy (big mistake since the male therapist did nothing but comfort him; it was like I wasnt even in the room for the two of them) My partner had thrown me across the floor and when I stood up threw me into another room and I forgave him!!! I stayed because of my fear of being alone and codependency. And finally, I discovered how his wife died (he said from cancer)she took her own life. Dont try to fix it.. Just live your life and give up the idea that you can prove him wrong. Now he doesnt trust me and i am gutted as I was extremely sorry and guilt ridden. I wish I had gotten out sooner. I have kids as well and i am also worried about lies being told so i cant have my kids somehow, its what I have come to expect from viewing the dreary world through the narcs vision. I asked a test used the same words he did but he calls me crazy or narcissistic and or a bunch of other names. He even went so far as to claim that he would prove that the automotive accident were were in (where he was driving and I was severely injured as a passenger) wasnt his fault, despite there being absolutely no way he could locate any physical evidence to support his supposed innocence (the accident occurred more than 15 years ago). Hi Im desperate Ive been with this guy for over 4 years, he has been cheating all this time. Appearances are EVERYTHING to a narcissist. My ex and I are trying to stay friends which makes her very angry. He stormed out of our house and preceded to attack me over text message for hours. They will spread rumors and gather information this way. Beware. I actually left because I was so tired of being annoyed about her constantly blaming others. Or can I prepare at all? I feel for you, I want to leave to help my kids, 4 and 5 year old, they totally love him though, screaming and all. I went to that concert alone, I left him at home. It can be especially difficult if you identify as an empath and feel overly sensitive to the needs of others. Im sorry they have issues but Im sick of being blamed for what time the Sun rises. I discovered later that all the while he was dating her, travelling internationally, etc. I deleted and blocked his number. I actually spend my time sat in my bedroom alone so that I dont have to be in the same room as my husband, he shouts go on get in your pit. Its amazing to me that people are seriously this selfish. The day he realized Id done that, he told me I had ruined his life. I am so unhappy. All I know is that I found this site helpful and for the most part, supportive. Yes that program works well!!! While denying yourself everything they dont like.. My narc ex blamed me and was angry at me because she set her own phone to silent accidentally and missed an important call. It is so confusing because one minute it will be like she is jealous, the next as if she thinks and truly with all her (heart) that I am dirt and she is so superior I may not even exist! It is critical to remember that both narcissistic and non-narcissistic people engage in projection. So much mind manipulation and I see it he doesnt. Why Narcissists Blame You For Everything - Mental Health He has been married before and has two teenage children who treat him horribly. OMGosh, every thing Kay said was me , right down to the word I use, kicker. Move on. He is giving me a hard time about my school schedule and cost of GRE exam lessons. Please help. What they do miss is lording control over you. The spouse who has to deal with the Narctheir contribution to the problem is, if they dont agree and go along with the Narc at almost all times than they (the partner) are the problem. Smh. Hes not my problem anymore and I did the moraly right thing and warned my sons wife about the N . He left to be a civilian contractor overseas for 2 years, and when he finished that, he decided to move to Wisconsin (the kids and I live in Maine). If they are your family .. Slam your door if they are not.. bolt and lock it.. All of our stories are different but we all share one thing in common. My therapist went to counseling with her narc officer husband and he fooled 5 therapists. He would then reply, stop attacking me, your judging me, your treating me like a child. Its like we have to live according to him and my family continues to blame me for speaking up. Dont say a word to him. I have been blamed for the drinking, walking out on me and the kids, the cheating, the abuse, losing his job. Things happen. It is sad that this narc behaviour came out so full-force when we were roommates. like do they do this? Be wary of facebook and cellphones. My 2 adult children blame me for everything that happens in their life. I got so exhausted and felt like i was dying physically. Cutting back or eliminating the time spent on tasks that drain your energy. Its true, I swear. I thought they were writing about my man. I consider myself a fairly smart person lawyer, CEO of public companies, and have been in a relationship for more than 10 years with my married business partner, whom is married to a narcissist. He left his job before that because he was being discriminated against as a white, heterosexual, male. and then they abuse you behind closed doors RUN. I lived 15 years with my cruel narsisst husband who I am now divorcing. The list is endless. A bit of the back story which were my warnings were him wanting me to spend all my time with him when I had a social life saying things like oh dont u enjoy spending time with me, why arnt I good enough to see etc etc Eventually I stopped doing anything but see him. Regardless of who broke up, it was your fault. Its not however. BYE BYE Mr N, WOW, all I can say is wow (stunned). He never admits it when he really is to blame. Be self sufficient and keep your finances separate if you can. Any and all problems that exist in your relationship or family dynamic. Exactly..living with a narcistic is a cold one sided relationship..they are mentally screwed with not much hope that they could become a real human..esp when they are already grown adultsits all about them & its jekyl Hyde person. The more I read these comments my ex husband is now making so much more sense at to the way he treats me now! The thought that I could ever hurt anyone like he hurts me, still? Just because this N is freaking out and blaming, does not make them right. I am now in my 60s, have a bad knee and cant hold a regular job, live on SSI since retired and I want out. As Im trying to leave she blocks the door, I remove her only to exit. Im currently living with with my partner and from all that Im reading, Im experiencing Im sure he is a N but I feel trapped with 3 small children and just dont know what to do or who to turn to. 5 years for me to realize that everything that went wrong wasnt always my fault. Definitely dont get housing or finances together. He broke up with me 2.5 months into our great love, right before he was saying how much and how soon he wanted to marry againand how perfect we were for each other. The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition ( DSM-V) defines narcissism as a pervasive pattern of grandiosity, a constant need for admiration, and a lack of empathy. I hope all these people gave found an outIm working on mine. The longer they have to think up sick mind games and how to anchor you to them? She thinks Im picking a fight, no bitch, Im pissed because you are always sly on your bitch comments. Just agree with him say youre sorry he feels that way.. and go vacuum. But I am taking it one day at a time, and blogs like this are so healing, I am so thankful for them! Do not ask for anything. Your email address will not be published. They despise the fact the the partner is nothing like them and the more they try to confuse and justify their outrage the more clear the spouse see the situation and how outrageous their behavior is. In fact, dont. The good news? When I would return his affections, growing closer, and enjoying the relationshiphe would fabricate some test I had failed, become enraged, and break up with me. For one thing, as it is, he does recognize that he cant exert control over me completely. Oh my, this was a refreshing read. this give me hope, I own my home cause my narc partner and I are not married, he never can keep a job because of his lovely attitude, and so i am the reason he even has a roof over his head, he has been using me and sponging off me for years. your story gives me courage I can leave. Most of all love yourself, be your own best friend, look in the mirror and smile at yourself, you life can be anything you want to be. Hi Everyone1st time here. I had no job. We agreed to disagree and walk away. WebStay calm. If you are in a relationship with a narcissist, you may find yourself being blamed for everything that goes wrong. There are good times and bad times. Narcissist If my long comment goes through, please read it and tell me how i can be in charge of anything. He is out of our lives now and its given me some peace. I had to leave the room. I am in financial ruins because of him. Its going to be hard not to fight him and explain myself..but reading here i see there is no point- he took enough of my and doesnt even my explanation. Yet I work myself, run my own home and take care of my children. He blames me for everything. I dont know how to get him out of my life I have asked him thousands of times but he uses things I have said to make me feel guilty, like once I told him I believe you dont give up on the people u love. They go from being the attacker to being the scared little child. we have 2 kids and have been together almost 14 years. how could he not eat the cookies or drink the juice if thats the only food thats in the house. Every time I thought we came to an understanding, by the next day he didnt remember a thing we talked about and reverted back to his selfish/self absorbed self. Just a crabby old man that you are trying to love underneath it all, if he would ever let you. Just out of interest, do comments on here usually just dissappear into the ether without trace or reply? If so, this reaction often triggers them to continue with the blaming. Its my fault he sleeps till 10 or 11. So now I am 56, crushed emotionally, dont feel good about myself for letting this happen to me, yet I set her up in this business and she is doing fine. I enjoy photography, music and watching comedy videos. I get blamed for everything. Feelings are still there for me but only for the love that I wanted but never got. I like to think I would have been good at that too, could have done some real good in the world, in my lil corner. When he and I met 25 years ago, I had so many friends that I could call them on Thursday and have a full blown party (adults and kids alike) to spend the day at my house. I think they do it to make us feel like were crazy and it makes them feel good to put the blame on us. Lets try to understand the narcissist and the blame game better. So everything is done and he doesnt do anything. A Son from a previous relationship of mine, a Daughter from a previous marriage of his (which resulted in her infidelity and a divorce), and our Daughter from our currect marriage to one another. Blamers tend to have poor impulse control. Dont know that I can do this much longer, these people are damaged and damaged to the point of no return. He told me I was disgusting and gross. Someone tell me how to get out before he kills me mentally or physical. All of a sudden he glares at me, so I smile back b/c I figured I could be immature too. Please continue to read everything you can about narc abuseit has literally saved me from brink of nervous breakdown! And that was only three of the things I was blamed for. Well, I just read the article and the comments and felt I had to share my experience. Just dont keep going along. WebFollowing are the personality traits of sociopaths: -Dishonesty. Im 37+yrs in. I dont know what to do. But I stayed 14 yrs preped 4 last 2 and left MY house , gave my horse away, I didnt want to end up like a 23 yr old I knew , dead. But it is hard to get upset anymore when in truth there has been no real issue, no real fight. Ive long since decided marriage would be a bad idea. Guess what, they have seen through all his bs as they become targets too. I keep remindin myself the worst that can happen is more namecalling, blaming, rage. Why do we let this happen in our primary relationship? If i try to show and make sense of the truth and he finally sees im right which with him its always who is right and who is wrong, never a misunderstanding, he then will argue for the truth of the same thing I am saying just in a different way. They often dont think they deserve anything better. In simple, the narcissist creates a belief in you (even without your knowledge) that you are unsuitable for any relationship. When blamed shifting occurs, it results in victim blaming. To say we suffer alone is an UNDERSTATEMENT!! Believe in yourself. My husband blames me for everything. Nothing. What Ive discovered is this; if youre a really nice person who is always looking for the best or the good in people, especially the ones you care about, you will constantly take this kind of abuse and in most cases, if not always, think that you were wrong. Nothing was mine, nothing was sacred, and I was to constantly acknowledge the repeated mantra of how I had no idea how lucky I was to have parents who took care of me. He blames me for everything. This fear can manifest for many reasons, including: Regardless of the origin, this fear can cause people to want to present perfectly in front of others.
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