Interesting topic . I go to sleep at 12 sometimes wake up at 5 am. PS: no woman wants to crawl in bed with daddy unless her problems are as big as his clearly are. I doubt it. I knew I could return to work if the need arose. Honestly, I find a lot of the older women I have come across in my office environments more attractive overall than those my age for these reasons, but probably not practical. And Im thrilled you beat cancer! Youre a superhero for reading all of this whining. 1 yr Financial freedom is a wonderful gift to give. Most of us need one another to pay the bills, so we should all be equally invested in understanding our income, expenses, and all other aspects of our finances. Im simply pointing out facts about each of us, to help readers understand that we are not one of those situations where the wife gave up a lucrative career to be a stay at home mom. He and I now married. I am a forty-year-old wife, mother, blogger, personal finance enthusiast, optimist, former software developer, and achiever of financial independence. I never even dated a woman in my life, and as a Kinsey 6 at age 50, I can tell you it does mean something to me. A husband or wife may simply accede because he or she wants to be seen as having tried everything. By the time they book an appointment with me, the marriage has been failing for years. Thanks in part to the markets and my husbands continued drive to work. I gotta say everything you seem to think is wrong. Many of the stories I am reading on here are about people who are using money = power. Weve been blessed that having money and how we spend it has not been an issue or an irritant in our marriage. I have appealed to logic, told him how he would save money and be much more protected financially, and how he would inherit my SSA money and save on his taxes. Strive for equality every day. It depends on the spouse if they respect their decision to stay home and raise the kids. To each their own, but I personally believe a couple must be united in their money and goals. I cant get medicaid or help from the state because they say she makes too much money(35,000)! Men and women are not the same, each has their own strengths and weaknesses. weight He admits to doing this, he wont deny it. Sure, in the moment we may be relieved, take it in, and be comforted. 2. Thanks, It is irritating to me as a gay man and presumptuous but its also your blog. Well, my employer just happened to announcecompany wide layoffswhen I was four months pregnant. All household expenditures go through me. Why would you want joint accounts if youre working toward the same goals? Wow, controlling person for sure. Some do a better job than others of keeping their skills up-to-date and their network intact. "You have to be up for anything." It should mean that both partners believe in the importance of one parent staying home. From my point of view, a SAH parent should have some side income, no matter how small. Additionally, the partner who continues to impose on us, to inadvertently pressure us to compensate for what they felt deprived of during their upbringing, ends up feeling ever more distressed. I dont agree with some of her purchases and she doesnt agree with some of mine. That'sright,spendingmore than 5%ofourmonthlyincomeiswaytoomuchforhimtohandle. Well every dime I spent on all of us, (now 4 of ours) and our home and food. Its not her fault that shes earning lesser than you are and you married her-meaning you accept her for what she is, with only her high school diploma and all! Each person will come to a crossroads where they must decide to continue down the challenging path of self-discovery. I have my own business and I make six figures. And the reality is that meals, cleaning and sex are just not enough for me. I would never marry anyone who wanted me to sign a prenup. Personality awareness can help people spot signs of future difficulties. God is against men divorcing their wives for selfish reasons. Wow you take 80% of her earnings? An no offense but you do speak down when referring to your wife. I wonder if your husband has some resentment about these changes that have affected him as well? Both spouses need to be on the same page with investment and financial goals for both short and long term success. There isnt an age limit on contributing to the world at large, so dont place the burden of a timeline on your dreams. I try to teach him how to manage money/investments, but he prefers to do other things. When youre sitting at home, you think the worse and feel the worse. He's talking about sex here, but that's almost a red herring; he's really telling couples to prepare to not have all their needs met by each other. Its also the corrective parenting that virtually all therapists seek to accomplish in working with people who, sadly, were never able to learn how to trust and assure themselves during the arduous process of growing up. Al-Anon Family Groups Maybe the wife has zero self-control and will spend so much that he cant retire until age 75 (if ever). She could walk away tomorrow with half of everything and never have a financial care. He must be constantly reminded how he is appreciated for his hard work and sacrifice yet the spouse sacrifices nothing, her life is made easy by his commitment to work so she doesnt have to. Thanks for sharing. Learn More >, SYMBIS Assessment | Loveology | Drs. Recently Ive had an opportunity to work an additional job for the last 4months. But anyway, in our earlier days when were not so self-aware, these attitudes would lead to our standard argument. You deserve better. Happy birthday! If were being exclusively called upon to provide emotionally for our significant other that which they cannot provide for themselves, at some point our burning out in the relationship is probably inevitable. Leon F. Seltzer, Ph.D., is the author of Paradoxical Strategies in Psychotherapy and The Vision of Melville and Conrad. She may not have earned an income but she made us a lot of money. Thx. Why? humor In 2011 I left my high-paying job to become a stay-at-home mom. AARP Since self-esteem heavily influences the relationships we develop, its critical to pay special attention to yours. Just a lousy bossy wife. Figure out how much money is left over. Looks like you struck and open nerve here, Sam. Finances are a means to live, but then there are all those other aspects beyond moneyin the broadest strokes: companionship, raising a family, maintaining a home, organizing a social life, etcthat make life worth living. Why? Great fan of your website and your advice. Dont ever say something is simply not the case when you have never experienced the case to begin with. Parental enmeshment is the overly intimate and opaquely sexualized emotional use/abuse of a child by a parent. Hmm, by now we had 2 girls of our own and he had no time or money, still. When my dad passed away I inherited a seven figure sum. She has voiced the desire to do so in the future (once we have kids), which is perfectly fine with me. You sir are an asshole and commenting that ridiculous rate was so unnecessary. Does it bother me to feel dependent on my husbands paycheck? Its not her fault that shes earning lesser than you are and you married her meaning you accept her as she is, with only her high school diploma and all. And that pool of needs is never filled; the dependent person cannot seem to give enough to fill it. She was happy as long as she was doing what she enjoyed. Aiden, Evie has ZERO valid points. It's been a while since we last corresponded, but I wanted to drop in and say how much I agree with you regarding the importance of having separate financial accounts. I dont agree that having separate bank accounts gives financial independence, I think it actually gives an excuse to not be accountable to the person you have partnered with for life. Held me back from even having a garage sale to offset these costs he now felt 0 obligation to pay off of mine. I was happy and at peace. My final paycheck from work included a severance check worth more than $62,000. But she still manages to waste most of her time doing all kinds of things that have zero chance of getting her a client. There is no doubt that my earnings capacity has temporarily diminished as my years outside of the workforce grow. If I leave she wont have a place to live. Its easy to see why you share with your wife. Deserving wife clause! I will buy (or at least review with her) the big ticket items. PRIVACY:We will never disclose or sell your email address or any of your data from this site. BTNT is jam-packed with all my insights after spending 30 years working in, studying, and writing about personal finance. From each of your paychecks. I wont go too deep into it but some of this came from my parents attitude toward money growing up. I suppose when he met me, I wanted so much more out of life and because he loves me, he goes along with my crazy dreams. You guys need to stop talking badly about your wives, it doesnt make you a better husband. Most women who quit their jobs probably havent spent twelve years earning and saving as much as I did. Nurses and teachers dont get paid as well as doctors and engineers. They write: Though writing from a different cultural perspective, Dan Savage, author of the Savage Love column and founder of the It Gets Better project, also sees the danger of expecting a romantic partner to fill a person's every need. I cant imagine trying to save up a lot of money for a house in this scenario if one of the two spouses is a huge spender and never saves. Accepting the truth, though difficult, is the pathway to freedom. Tiffany and Kari are more than likely abunch of lazy slobs, similar to my wife. 80% of her pay accounts for 10% of the bills. The other reasons include: infidelity, lack of communication, constant bickering, weight gain, unrealistic expectations, lack of intimacy, lack of equality, not being prepared for marriage, and abuse. He bought another house close by while my daughter and I stay in our original home to reduce disruption. If there are no risk and safety concerns, allow him to take care of his responsibilities and you can assistsometimes. In consequence, if were to fully make up for what we felt was denied us earlier, we need to undertake some sort of inner repair work. For her, to spend the extra time and effort was not worth it. They have difficulty disagreeing with others out of fear. It is very frustrating. All good to disagree! I have more time now than I did when my boys were little. Ladies, you will be in poverty when you reach old age. Always had joint accounts never had a problem. Financial dependence is the worst! He constantly expects gratitude for ruining so many lives and his own. I need a woman I can relate to and grow with and I just cant understand how she could be so demanding of me, yet not hold herself to the standards she holds me to. You may not earn as much as your spouse, but you should still be 100% vested in the outcome of your partners paychecks. If I want to go away with friends, we talk about it and then I go do it. If not you need to. I hope this for my daughter as well! And I have worked for the past 5 years as a substitute teacher in my local school district. Although, this might be how you feel, I think you have to really take a deeper look at why you feel this way. We will all be better off if we acknowledge that marriage is a thing of the past.Save yourself the trouble and face reality marriages are impossible in this society of so many and too many outside influences.and not to mention its a womans world.After reading this stuff who stands a chance? A family where individual members all earn enough to support an entire family makes a mockery of those families all stuck in jobs they hate because they have no other choice. In dependency, the dependent person adopts the expectations of the other person as their own. Azmeh Dawood, the older sister of Pakistani businessman Shahzada Dawood, said her nephew When we cant feel sufficiently secure in a relationship, our love for them is (unawares) supplanted by fear: Might they leave us? Do men naturally gravitate to these occupations, or are they programmed from a young age to earn more money? Do you even realize what childcare would cost if you had to pay it out of pocket? Many married working women are also financially dependent. My 400k is still growing and on course to be 1M by age 55. house I think if both spouses have a truly equal say in the financial management, and open lines of communication, the relationship can still be perfectly healthy.
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