how to deal with a bully board member

Board bullies can be a nonprofit's horror story - Tallahassee Democrat People on my staff were often very uncivilized to one another. Thank you so much. This image is not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. 5 Tips For Dealing With Difficult Board Members - Bloomerang "mainEntity": [{ This way, you have equal power and avoid a sense of competition. 2023 Cedar Management Group. Instead, ask meaningful questions and focus on the facts. Get help from a trusted authority figure, too. They are pretending to lead. Next comment contradicted this message: You are to act only at the direction of the committee chairs. Committee chairs are primarily Executive Committee members. That is one of the rare joys of our job. Make eye contact. I just recently developed, collaboratively with the CEO, the Board Chair and the Vice Chair, just such a tool and process for a client. Lateral Violence How nave I was when I arrived in the nonprofit sector. Here are some tips on how you can handle bullies on your HOA board. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. Review state law and the association's governing documents. And organizations often feel desperate about adding board members that they dont recruit for first rate ATTRIBUTES that make for a great board member. Thanks for this. Check your inbox or spam folder to confirm your subscription. In just the last two weeks alone, Ive gotten five differentemails from people with basically the same problem. She even had the Board amend the Bylaws this year when I pointed out that she had exceeded the number of years that she was allowed to be President of the Board. Would you like to receive emails from Convene? Does Every Board Treat Its Staff This Way? - Joan Garry Consulting Something personal might be going on in their life, so they need a punching bag to take their anger or sadness out on, and unfortunately, it is you. I read it and whooped out loud! A conflict with the board bully may not always be resolved without outside help. This can actually turn the leader into the poor performer the board assumes. "name": "How to remove a bully from an HOA board? As you walk away from your bully, imagine you're walking away from a complete stranger instead. How to Deal With a Bully in a Meeting | Work - Chron.com . Its the disdain for the little people that is baked into our larger culture that tells people that if you dont have millions, its because youre lazy. "acceptedAnswer": { They may feel threatened or cornered, especially when people begin ganging upon them. But EDs report to the board and should be held accountable for their behavior. This is a place where blame is held more sacred than the supposedly sacred texts. Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 1,328,241 times. It was, Where did THAT come from? The board has done a number of ethically gray behaviors but as far as were aware nothing outright illegal wed report them to the state but are not certain they could or would do anything. Steve. Thank you so much, Joan, for sharing your wisdom and experience in regards to board bullying. And a lot of times it was about staff. This is a religious institution. 2) Develop a substantive orientation process for every new board member. Review the HOA rules and bylaws to see what you can do. Because people tend to act a certain way all the time, you may not even realize you have a bully in your midst. When my staff member came into my office a week later, telling me how the way she was being treated was making her depressed, and that she was crying all the time, and her boyfriend was the only person keeping her alive, my response was, What youre feeling is completely normal for someone working in an abusive environment. Aside from voting it down, any other suggestions? Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. Interestingly, this brand of bully is rarely willing to serve as board chair (too busy with the other boards, perhaps). Weve now gone to the founder, that fourth board member, and are preparing to pull in our remote staff. Make jokes at your expense or be sarcastic and demeaning in their interactions. The staff leader should not tolerate this. "@type": "Organization", Gather the board members when drafting the letter. They can be very critical, judgmental, and often seek out control during board meetings. Write a Letter The first step should be to write a letter to the offending homeowner. Good for you to have gotten out. When someone follows their own agenda, rather than the agenda of the community, it causes conflict, and can do real damage to the community. They may feel threatened or cornered, especially when people begin ganging upon them. { She has attended seminars with me on Board ED Relations. The objectives and interests of the board must outweigh your emotions. Would love to hear more here so that my advice is well informed. Marc. } I have a unique situation to share. Most of us had a few jerks when we were in school. The only way to handle these bullies is to ignore them. Tell someone: Whether that be a teacher, boss, colleague, parent, or friend, let others know about the situation. The board president informed me she spoke to the abusive board member. But I think she was reacting to the bullying she was getting from some long term board and founding members. I am deathly afraid of what will become of the staff and clients if I leave. However, I did just email the link to your article to the board, in hopes that they will implement some of your suggestions. Several of these committees dont meetin some cases the chairs are completely non responsive to me (and to the president as stated above). People on my staff were often very uncivilized to one another. Accomplishing this feat will not come easy when there are obstructions in the boards path. "logo": { I will try to be emotionally stronger, since I'm very sincere with my emotions, I'm very sensible. Scores were mediocre. While you may dread doing so, the end result of talking through the problems may benefit everyone in the long run. The assessment, in and of itself wont cause change, but, it sure could give the champions the ammo they need to recommend change and develop a more strategic path forward. The rest of the Board was good with the suggestion. However, there are many ways to identify a bully. Here are three common forms of nonprofit board bully, and what to do about them: The Martinet Bully: Often a man, and often the board chair. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. mental state. And if youre lazy, you deserve to be treated horribly. This image is not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. I am still learning how to navigate this dysfunctional board. My memories of my time there are certainly tainted by it. The board tried getting the ED coaching, but the ED refused. If the bully isn't disrupting your personal or work life, don't engage with them. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. Conveying a friendly tone through text can be difficult. Here are several steps that help make that possible: Talk with the bully. "text": "You must remember that the HOA board has duties and responsibilities to perform. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. For example, you could recite the lyrics of your favorite song to yourself. Hang in. ED must feel they can go to the Chair, and a Governance Chair when board members act poorly. "Nurse managers should cultivate an environment of safety and encourage reporting of bullying behavior." I really believe in what we are doing, I thoroughly enjoy and appreciate the staff. ", what I have been through this past year. It may be years before they see the light of day. Help others see bullies for who they really are; sad and angry people who tear others down to feel better. So, the can just gets kicked down the road. That'll only add fuel to the fire and give them something else to pick on you about. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. "It helped me to deal calmly with everyone and help me to be happy again.". I joined the board of a very small local nonprofit that has teetered on the edge of financial insolvency for years. "author": { If you feel you've got a bully on the board, read on to see what you can do about it. Go with them to report their problem for moral support. Your seat at the meeting table may dictate a bully's behavior. I can overcome any challenge, including this one.". Dont hesitate to ask about the board, the leadership pipeline, the recruitment process, how the board sees your role in that process and names of folks in the recruitment pipeline. As an ED going through difficult times with a board who wants to manage and not govern, it is heartening to know that I am not alone and that I have a right to speak up. Hope readers read through your comments there are lessons in them. James R. McCormick Jr., a partner at Peters & Freedman LLP in Encinitas, Calif., who represents associations, is currently advising two associations on the issue of bully board members. This image is not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. You may feel trepidation when interacting with them, fearing the wrong thing may set them off at any time. Address the Issue. And that was the word that one of my staff members used when she came into my office, crying, about a week later. We are in a very tough position. One reader wrote that a board member was so disrespectful to one of her staff members that she came to her office in tears. If you have a dissatisfied board member, set up a meeting with the bully and the board chair or executive director to address grievances. As a parent, encourage your child to take action if they see a peer being bullied. June 26 (Reuters) - IBM (IBM.N) said on Monday it will acquire technology spend-management platform Apptio from Vista Equity Partners for $4.6 billion in cash, in the latest deal to bolster its . Stay Calm. If you and your supporters outnumber the bully and his/her supporters, you will be able to get more things done and reach impactful results. Its so sad, because against all odds, our programs are pretty great, our existence means a great deal to the community in which we operate and I am uniquely qualified for this very specific role (even if only my staff knows it!). in School Counseling from DePaul University and an MA in Educational Leadership from Northeastern Illinois University. But remember, that regardless of the dysfunction and the problematic power dynamics, that as you say your programs are pretty great and your existence is important for the community. The last post I sent them, was sent the night before the Board meeting. The important thing to remember is that bullying, not a person's body size or appearance, is the problem. The founder has asked these board members to step down out of respect to him and they have declined, stating that they do not think it is in the best interest of the organization. "@context": "https://schema.org", Then I learned. In fact they have continually elevated and given more authority and power to the bullies. The Scourge of Nonprofit Boards, and What to Do About It. Avoid sitting directly across from a bully and instead sit right beside her. You must remember that the HOA board has duties and responsibilities to perform. This is apt to end the conversation. All HOA board members need to abide by three fiduciary duties. ], In fact, your bully's actions might not have anything to do with you. In the meeting, she blasted out and said, do not ever send me another article about how boards are suppose to be, and I certainly will not sign up for the blog you suggested. Ive been with a nonprofit (in management) for a few years now that has gone through double digits in numbers of Executive Directors over its lifetime. { I had never heard this phrase before. Collaborative behavior with other board members and the community is critical. The best thing you and your board can do to avoid a board bully is to set up systems for: Managing conflict. I have no idea who all these companies are, and I am the vice president. Expert Interview. The board insists lawmakers must make "painful choices," one of which would be to eliminate the debt ceiling all together, and the other would be to compromise. Use emotional blackmail as a way to control you or make you feel guilty. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This ED left and the board made an internal promotion to fill the spot. (There were actually some constructive comments in there too, truth be told.) While you may feel uncomfortable, it is best to talk to the HOA bully face-to-face. No one likes a bully, particularly if they are relentless. Nonprofit boards are actually more at risk of bully dominance than other groups, because the only compensation for serving is psychological. Should that time come, dont hesitate to give us a call. A board bully can be annoying. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.
\n<\/p>

\n<\/p><\/div>"}, {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/b\/b9\/Deal-With-Bullies-Step-9-Version-4.jpg\/v4-460px-Deal-With-Bullies-Step-9-Version-4.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/b\/b9\/Deal-With-Bullies-Step-9-Version-4.jpg\/aid15682-v4-728px-Deal-With-Bullies-Step-9-Version-4.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"